Tips For Living With A Bad Roommate
Living with a roommate that you don’t get along with can be extremely uncomfortable. However, you can take certain steps to alleviate tensions and avoid causing further problems. Living with a bad roommate is much easier if you create a plan to coexist with them.
Discuss key topics, such as noise curfews and visitor rules, to ensure you and your roommate don’t annoy each other. If your roommate is continually disrespectful, you should concisely express your feelings without hurling insults. Set a good example for your bad roommate and split household duties to ensure everyone does their part.
Most importantly, remember that your roommate isn’t a mind reader, so they’ll only know what you’re thinking if you express it. Follow along as we highlight eight important tips for living with a bad roommate.
How To Deal With A Bad Roommate
1. A Cleaning Schedule
Nothing causes resentment quite like one roommate doing all the heavy lifting. However, approaching the bad player about how they're not pulling their weight can cause just as much resentment. That’s why evenly splitting chores in a mutually beneficial way is the best option. The key is to start a peaceful conversation where you’re not accusing or berating your roommate.
Plan your talking points and bring them up in ways that don’t sound insulting or mean. Next, mention what needs to be done and discuss how you can divide the work in ways that don’t inconvenience either of you. A diplomatic method is to list what needs to be done and alternate them on a weekly or monthly basis. Or, you can delgate specific, ironclad tasks and maintain them throughout your time sharing a lease.
2. Visitor Rules
Guests can be a huge source of conflict between roommates, and it's easy to see why. If your roommate has friends over until midnight on a weekday, and you need quiet after 10 p.m., problems are bound to arise. Even on the weekend, an excess of strangers in your home can cause arguments and hurt feelings. You can avoid a lot of unnecessary conflict by setting rules regarding visitors.
For example, discuss how late it’s appropriate to have people over, and set a limit on how many people can be there at once. Some apartment complexes impose guest limits, which can make this discussion much easier. It’s also important to follow local noise ordinances and restrictions as per your lease.
3. A Household Curfew
You can’t dictate when your roommate comes and goes from the house, however, you can at least reasonably request peace and quiet by a certain time each day. For example, you can request having a quiet, lights-out time at 11 pm on weekdays, which is reasonable. It’s how you say things that matters most, so bring up the topic and casually explain why quiet time with little light is so important at night. If excessive noise and brightness keep you up at night, you’re not alone, and your roommate should respect that.
4. Be Objective
Roommate etiquette doesn’t necessarily have much to do with who you are as a human being. Regardless of how you feel about their personality, you can’t hurl insults at them when discussing etiquette. Doing so will create a tense and awkward situation that you can’t escape. That’s why it’s important to remain objective when discussing household matters with your roommate.
This may be tough, but objectivity is still important even when your roommate stoops to a lower level. The last thing you want is to get stuck with a hostile roommate when there are 6 months left on the lease. This is avoidable if you stick to the facts and plan some talking points before the conversation.
5. Don’t Force A Relationship
Some people feel uncomfortable living with someone they’re not friends with. That’s understandable, but forcing a relationship when it’s not possible can only make the situation worse. It can complicate things and create more tension, although you could open yourself up to the possibility of a positive, friendly relationship with your roommate.
Even if you disapprove of their etiquette, you can likely find some common ground to make your time living together more palatable. Allow them space, respect their privacy, and keep conversations minimal if you don’t get along. Giving your roommate the cold shoulder can elevate tensions and cause more problems. You can acknowledge each other cordially without pretending to be best friends.
6. Set A Good Example
Any feedback you give your bad roommate will only land if you set a good example of what you expect from a roommate. Nobody is perfect, so you may make mistakes, but you can at least try to avoid being a hypocrite.Otherwise, you’ll give your roommate plenty of ammunition to throw things in your face when you raise criticisms.
Stay relatively quiet late at night, minimize how many guests you invite over, and respect your roommate’s boundaries. Keep up with chores and avoid falling into bad behaviors.
7. Avoid Unnecessary Conflict
“Pick your battles” is a phrase most commonly used regarding romantic relationships, however, it applies to roommates as well. You can’t mold the perfect roommate, and expecting them to be just like you will cause disappointment. Recognize them for who they are and remember they can’t read your mind. You may look at a smudge on the counter for days and get angrier and angrier.
Bblowing up over a single smudge may cause more harm than good, so you must pick your battles. Doing so will eliminate lots of unnecessary conflict. Many people can’t justify losing a roommate, and that may happen if everything turns into an argument. Stand up for yourself, but only engage in conflict as a last resort.
8. Recontextualize The Situation
Sometimes, roommate conflicts come down to context and perspective. Your roommate may have been in the wrong, but that could be because you haven’t learned how to communicate with each other. Everyone is different, and they may approach situations differently than you.
Rather than assuming they have ill intentions, it’s best to put yourself in their shoes. They may still be wrong, but at least you can better understand where they’re coming from. This can also help you curb some of your behavior to ensure you don’t make your roommate uncomfortable.
Summing It Up
Discuss your shared household chores and create a schedule to help ease the tensions with your bad roommate. It also helps to set a curfew for loud noises and bright lights in common areas to avoid creating conflict. Set some boundaries and figure out how to coexist without trying to become best friends.
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Nick Durante is a professional writer with a primary focus on home improvement. When he is not writing about home improvement or taking on projects around the house, he likes to read and create art. He is always looking towards the newest trends in home improvement.
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